Relax…

Nathan messed up my laptop settings and now everything looks funny. And he rearranged my bookmarks and deleted some of them too. Yeah yeah, I know its really his “work” computer, but i’m the one that uses it 95% of the time….So leave it alone!

nuf said.

One of my biggest pet peaves is teeth grinding. Quinn, with his four teeth, has dicovered this horrible sound/habit and does it constantly. Today he was in my face grinding them and I grabbed his mouth and told him to stop…he grinned and did it again. AHHHH!!! It is horrible.

I love it! Maybe even too much.

Its funny how things work out sometimes. When Nathan and I left for Vegas I wrote a “consent for medical treatment” note and sent each of the kids insurance cards to the respective caretakers. Nathan thought it was unnecessary, but I figured it better to be safe than sorry…Quinn is at the fall an crack your head open stage of walking. Fortunately nobody had need for medical care, until of course I got home.
After a nice late night of drinking and limping (I hurt my hip), and a frustrating morning of no breakfast and much airport waiting, I finally arrived in Burbank to meet my sister, Erich and Johanna. We got a lovely lunch at McDonald’s and drove to the train station where Joey would get to ride her first real train. We got out of the car to walk to the waiting area. Joey was being so helpful carrying a bunch of stuff, but then needed help with her sleeping bag. We shared the handle and kept walking through the gravel lot. She suddenly let out a horrible scream like non I have heard. I turned around and she was gone…I looked down and she was laying in the dirt face to the ground crying and screaming. I picked her up and checked her for damage…bloody knuckles on her left hand and a bloody left knee…not bad. My sister got bandaids and that was it.
Part way through the train Joey mention her hand hurt so i squeezed it…she screamed, I wiggled her wrist…more yelps and flinches. Later we tried to walk down stairs on the train and she reached out to take the hand rail…more screams and crying.
The rest of the trip home was fine we got Quinn from our friends in Ojai, Joey played a little but didn’t use her hand at all. That night she iced it and I wrapped it a little. So yesterday she was still being really cautious with it so we went and had X-rays. Sure enough its broken. Left hand, radius. There is a small splintered area that bumps out on one side of the bone. It doesn’t even go all the way through the bone. The doctor put a brace on Joey’s arm and tapped it in place for the night. Today we got the real cast. Johanna of course wanted pink, but they only had clear or orange…she picked orange.

We will be eating at McDonalds and then purchasing some candles and crossing to the memorial side of teleghraph. Anyone is welcome to join us around 7pm.

I don’t know how to feel today. My heart aches and I want to scream and cry. There are few tears, just aching sadness. I want to be alone, I want to be with the community, I want to be with Miki. I stopped by to give her a hug this morning but she wasn’t home. Was the hug for her or for me? I don’t know. A year ago we saw the accident just after it happened. There was an officer directing traffic onto a side street. As he waved us through I looked to see what was going on. Motorcycle down, someone on the ground. Many people on the side walk crying. Had we been stopped would we have known it was Tim…seen friends at the scene? Maybe. My mom was behind us and was stopped to let cars come the other way. I asked her later if she thought the person made it. She said she didn’t know, but it didn’t look good. Then the call. Kat called about 9:00pm. It had been Tim. I knew how to feel then, but today I don’t. I knew how to cry then, today I want to and can’t. I want to light a candle at the site, I want people to gather together to remember and to cry and to laugh. Am I selfish? Maybe, but it feels right.

Johanna had just had a fun afternoon playing with Jaquin and Marin and was talking about peoples houses…then she said, “Mommy, I miss Kara. remember when I played at her house all the time. we had so much fun. and at school we would sing ABC’’s together and play dollies and play and sing (voice starting to crack). I just miss her so much (sniffling) (I’m crying).” Poor Joey. Her bestest friend, and she doesn’t even get to see her for a long time. We called to talk to her tonight, her mom just found a house to rent in Portland so Kara and her dad will be joining her this weekend. God willing we will get to see her one last time before she leaves. I am hoping her dad will call me back to set something up for tomorrow!!!

This is the day that the Lord was raised, let us rejoice and be glad in it. I have been such a grump today, I’m not sure why…tired I guess. I need a reminder lately to rejoice in the days I have been given. Thank you God for you Son. For you grace and your mercy. Thank you for you timeless, endless love.